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Book Summary by Linda Brown

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Intuition is a natural intelligence, a DNA of the soul. We all always have it; it’s a matter of learning to listen to it, especially in relationships.

Obviously none of us lives in this world alone; in one way or another, each of us interacts with other people. These relationships can cause confusion and conflict.

It is when we make a decision contrary to our intuition that we have problems with our relationships, when we don’t listen to our intuition or don’t act on it.

Subtitled "An Intuitive Approach to Improving Relationships," the book stresses learning to trust our own instincts.

It offers exercises and insights to show a reader how to do this.

Learning to listen to intuition can help us make wise choices in our relationships and can lead to creative solutions when problems arise.

There are various levels on which we know things.

However, there are certain characteristics which distinguish intuition from other ways of knowing.

They are as follows:

With knowledge of these four characteristics of intuition, an individual can learn to pay attention and develop intuition to a greater extent.

KNOWING WHEN IT’S RIGHT is about letting intuition be your guide in establishing, maintaining and even letting go of relationships, based on natural intelligence.

Many kinds of relationships are included: dating, marrying, parenting, friendships, interacting with pets and plants, and even relationships with the dying and the departed.

Each chapter presents a different type of relationship and discusses it in depth.

Placed within this discussion are several exercises for the reader to do.

Then, at the end of every chapter, the four intuitive principles are listed and dealt with.

These are the same four principles every time, at the end of every chapter.

The only difference is in how applying them might vary in the different types of relationships.

These four intuitive principles are be direct, follow positive flow, use your power, and trust your connection.

The emphasis is placed upon the reader learning to do the same thing for himself.

I will define these principles a little more in the next few paragraphs.

Be direct. Do what intuition tells you to, even though you don’t trust what you know.

You will know what to do, even if you don’t know why you’re doing it.

There is no wrong choice when you follow your intuition.

Follow positive flow. Respond to what’s happening in harmonious ways.

Flow is our connection to the rhythm of life. We can tell whether we are experiencing positive flow or negative flow by the way it feels.

Following flow puts you in the right place at the right time. Following positive flow brings joy.

Following negative flow brings anger, depression and frustration.

Sometimes we allow others to project their negative flow onto us.

Sometimes we’re the ones who send out negative flow.

Use your power to keep possibilities open.

Recognize opportunities that present themselves and be ready to act on them.

This means being open to creative possibilities, even if the solution is not yet apparent.

Trust your connection. Some ways in which connection manifests itself are synchronicity, coincidence, miracles, and creative inspiration.

All of the above principles can be put into practice at the time of meeting a new person.

These principles will let us know whether or not to pursue any further relationship with that person.

Life is energy, creativity and information simultaneously.

A word of caution: Be sure to balance needing and wanting. Don’t be desperate about having a relationship.

Desperately wanting creates a barrier which blocks what you want from your life. Let go of desperation. Your job is not to control how, when or who.

You must simply trust what you want (you have to want something before you can get it) and trust that what you’re wanting will arrive.

You don’t have to go out and create it; you only have to recognize it when it comes.

To attract and meet potential life partners, pay attention to flow and to the amount of resonance you experience.

There are feelings that might be experienced at the beginning of a relationship which are confusing, but there are tools to aid us in making wise choices.

One of these is being able to recognize warning signs. For example, feeling awkward vs. uncomfortable with someone.

It’s natural to feel awkward at times in a new relationship, but if we are uncomfortable, that discomfort is trying to tell us to stay away from that person.

Another way to explain a warning sign is noting the difference in feeling fear and feeling anxiety. Fear can be intuitive, but anxiety cannot.

Anxiety involves looking into the future and is therefore fantasy. Intuition is always in the present moment.

Another warning sign, once we’ve begun a relationship, is procrastination. We know we need to end the relationship but something keeps holding us back.

Perhaps we fear hurting the other’s feelings, or perhaps we are feeling too much responsibility for the relationship. Whatever the reason, flow has stopped and we are hesitant to make a move.

However, once you’ve recognized a connection with another person, if you have observed no warning signs and have felt the flow and resonance, the advice offered by the book is to go slow, trust your connection and enjoy the relationship for whatever it is.

When meeting new people, Dr. Rosanoff suggests that you think of flow in terms of a traffic light. Green means go. Red means stop. Yellow lights need more time spent on them.

Sometimes you can be so distracted or in resistance that you can’t hear your own intuition. There is an exercise in the book based on the traffic light theory.

It is fine to navigate a relationship, but don’t strategize it, because that would mean creating the outcome to be a certain way. If something is not going as you would choose, don’t try to "fix it."

Focus on what is happening in the relationship now rather than what will happen in the future. Use your power to stay in the present moment.

It’s all right to use rules to get the kind of relationship you want, but be willing to let the rule go if it has served it’s purpose.

If the dating relationship continues and deepens, eventually comes the time that at least one of you will become committed to the relationship.

The commitment can’t be created, can’t be forced – it can only be recognized. It’s a gift. It’ can’t be created. Commitment is an intuitive sensing.

One fact I found interesting is that men will show their affection and sense of connection by their actions more easily than by their words.

It is much easier for women to express their feelings verbally than it is for men to do so.

A relationship is "the unfolding of yourself and another." Once commitment is there, the couple will have decisions they will need to make together.

They should start with making little decisions rather than big ones. Some of the methods they might use when making decisions together are meditation, visualization, and writing it out.

They might try doing these things together as well as separately. Any time a decision is made, that decision needs to be right for both people, not just one of them.

The imagery in some of the exercises in the book isn’t what gives you the answer as to whether or not to proceed with something, but the feelings do.

Throughout everything and anything, the book instructs that you love yourself unconditionally and accept yourself unconditionally.

In the chapter on intuitive living, the author spoke of the wholeness factor, which is the essence of your whole life with another person, past present and future. One of the exercises in that section was the going down a path exercise (making a decision).

The lesson in that exercise is that you don’t need to know "how" a thing is going to happen. The flow of the universe will work out when and how. When flow stops, pause, and then allow intuition to tell you "when".

If you experience uncomfortable feelings during time of change, it means that something is not getting the attention it deserves. It does not necessarily mean not to make the change, but just to notice.

There is a part of the book about ending relationships. It is particularly important during this time that you pay attention to your feelings.

If things are not going well, you don’t have to make it "all or nothing" immediately. Sometimes making a few changes within the relationship resolves the problem.

If there is a person with who you have a relationship that seems irresolvable, write a letter to the angel of the other person and then let go. This gets your anger and expectations out of the way.

Sometimes external circumstances impose a detrimental effect upon a relationship. This calls for reflection and a choice of how to proceed.

A relationship is over when there is no more flow. Your life is not another person’s responsibility, but is your own. Once you know a relationship is over, let it go. Resistance causes fatigue.

When you’re in emotional pain you need to stop the pain, regain your personal power and determine appropriate action.

There are two kinds of emotional pain: growing pain, which stretches you because you are still learning, still contributing; and destructive pain, which depletes energy and feels demeaning.

When experiencing emotional pain, go to your creative source and find joy and hold it. Intuition connects you to the source.

Another area of life where intuition can be an asset is in raising children. It teaches the child to trust himself. Children have a right to be who they are. Teach them the difference between anxiety and intuition.

You can use their uncertainty to increase their intuitive skills. Encourage in them expressive activities like painting, singing, writing, acting and cooking. Share your hunches with your children. Teach them to find and trust their life flow.

Some ways of healing after the hurt and betrayal of a damaged relationship are through friendships with people, plants and animals. Look for new opportunities. Express your creativity.

Enjoy honest communication with friends. Find ways to support their ideas and to let them support yours. Bring plants and animals into your life and let them enrich it. They can teach you patience.

Plants and animals have no pretenses. They are direct. In addition, they can even open your up to loving humans. Spend time with your animals. Talk to a tree.

Toward the end of the book, Rosanoff writes about relationships with those who have died or are in the process of dying.

When a living person goes through serious illness or trauma, seeing people they loved who have already died is not uncommon.

Often it seems to people who come back from serious illness that these people were sent from the other side to advise and protect. Sometimes the departed appear in dreams.

With those who are dying, it is important for them to get their needs met, to tie up "loose ends" in the relationship. We can help them by asking and listening, even if they are unconscious and can’t speak. Sometimes the answers come in nonverbal ways.

You may have to explain to the dead person what has happened. Tell them how you feel. Remember that the sense of hearing is the last one to leave a person as they die. Also, during a person’s death, touch can be a comforting thing.

Even in death there can be contact through intuition. Intuition lets you know what is right for you at this moment.

Also, keep in mind that when someone you love dies, grieving isn’t over after the funeral. The length of time grief takes varies from person to person.

From beginning to end, KNOWING WHEN IT’S RIGHT shows how everyone can benefit from intuition through every stage of life.

You have a rhythm and direction to your life which is yours alone. Get in touch with it and learn to direct yourself toward flow. Encourage others to do the same.

Respect cycles, acknowledge endings and allow healing.

Every one of us can tap into our intuition to improve every one of our relationships - with men, women, children, plants, animals and the dying and departed.

Some of the tools that aid us are visions, dreams, feelings, physical sensations, synchronicity and creative inspiration.

Remember: first comes intuition; then comes understanding.

In the words of the author, "Intuition is your connection to your true self, your soul, and your life purpose."

*Knowing when it’s right: An intuitive approach to improving relationships, by Nancy Rosanoff, is published by Sourcebooks Trade. It is available on Amazon.com, and you can see it by clicking here!